Use the Force, bitch!

I love the 'Jedi Knight' series of games. They are first person shooters where you are a Jedi, from Star Wars. And the game progressed in a way where you can choose light or dark side powers. And sometimes both in the later games. I loved those force powers. The light side ones were kinda passive, you can heal yourself, cover yourself in a shield, that kinda thing. The dark powers were freakin angry. Like Gripping your opponent and choking them to death, firing lightning from your hand like the emperor in 'Return of the Jedi', stuff like that. I always liked the dark powers, but made 'light' choices when it came right down too it. It lead me to this theory regarding Star Wars universe theory. One of my favorite things to do was grip the guy by the throat, lift them up in the air and then force push them up into the air and throw my light saber at them and try to slice them in two. Ahh such happy memories.

So with that said, I'm thinking Anger is the source of all power. I mean, when else do you feel you could crush that car in front of you with your mind, or swat it away with a wave of your hand? Only when your really pissed. So, what if all 'force' power is derived from anger? If that's the case, then why is yoda so powerful, he's always so chill. I bet he's got like 500 years of short jokes just eating away at him. Isn't he like 900 years old or something? I bet it was 500 or so years of torment before he got pissed enough to unleash the force on some punks. And no one fucks with him or they get the same. Now he just sits and stews all quiet like. Thats why he can't talk straight, he's still so pissed he can't form a sentence. He's just pretending to be all calm in order to be polite.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she was like, what do you mean cranky? He can look up chicks skirts all the time, how can he be angry! And ya know what? She's right. How can a lifetime of up-skirts and under-boob keep someone angry? I can't imagine that. There is something very calming about boobs viewed from underneath that is just so soothing. So maybe I'm wrong and there is another source of power in the universe other than anger. But then even when describing the effect that must have on yoda's little yoda, it would be described as raging. Hrmm.

Telling ya though, I'd totally be all up on the dark side for powers. I'm too angry to be otherwise. But i'd only choke the guilty, and annoying. You know, responsible uses of my force powers. And I promise I'd only swat cars out from in front of me when I'm really late for work or have to poop.

Oh and I didn't even mention the light sabers. Geez, I think I'm too much of a dumbass to have one of these for real. I'd put in on the passenger seat when i get in the car and cut half the door off or something. Or swing it around trying to impress the chicks and slice my freakin arm off. Yea, I can live without the spiffy light saber. But sign me up for some force powers. A little telekinesis never hurt anyone. ...yet. :D

New Species Discovered!

Have you ever encountered those types of idiots that just love to tell you about everything. You know, the ones that feel the need to explain it to every last detail as if you werent the one who told them about it in the first place? These are simply the know-it-all idiots. I have frequently encountered such people and thought I had understood them sufficiently to ignore them correctly. I was not prepared for what I encountered recently however.

Recently I've encountered a new classification of idiot. It was truely impressive as I slowly realised what was happenning. There was the know it all idiot, and the coversation was joined by another 'doesnt-know-shit' idiot. My initial reaction was simply, great here we go. But honestly, I had no idea what was about to occur.

The know-it-all idiot was spouting his nonsense, and then the doesnt-know-shit idiot started asking him questions, as if he had found this new fountain of knowlege that he could not drink enough from. And thats when it happened. Its like their idiocy combined to form some sort of Idiot Voltron. More powerful then either of them and far more then the both of them combined, this was truley an unstoppable force of stupidity. I could not interject facts, as they were dismissed by the know-it-all, and backed up by his new teamate Mr. Doesnt-know-shit. And when Mr. Doesnt-know-shit asked a question, even thouh the answers were handed to him by a half a dozen people, he didn't stop searching for an answer until Mr. Know-it-all fed it to him, with all the information the past six people had just said. And delivered it as if he was the only one to ever say those words in recorded history.

I am ashamed to say I was forced to retreat. I could not handle the sheer power of that level of stupidity. Truely a sad day indeed when such powers arise to combat the common sense of the average person. I only hope there is a similar force for good out there to combat this. I only hope.

Yes, this really happenned

I'm sitting here thinking I'd like to entertain a friend with a story. Thing is though, I have no idea where to begin. I know I want it to be amusing, maybe a little deep. I certainly want it to be something impressive because she's a pretty girl and all the boys want to impress the pretty girls. That reminds me of a story of my own actually...

I remember the first time I saw a really pretty girl and became totally stupid. It was in kindergarten, and her name was Kim. It was catholic school and yea, we all had uniforms. And yea, all the girls look really cute in the uniforms, and I still get kinda stupid when I see those. Anyway..

I don't remember the day so much as the circumstances surrounding my stupid moment. We were doing some kinda arts and crafts. You know, uncooked pasta, glitter, and good old fashioned elmer's glue. We all had paper plates to hold our stuff on, and I had a big pool of glue on my plate. We were standing up and in line to get something from the teacher, maybe more macaroni or something I don't really remember. I just remember I was behind her in line and was making sure my plate with glue didn't get near her hair.

She had really nice light brown hair, and I didn't wanna mess it up. She turns around and smiles this big pretty smile at me and asks me a question. I think she asked me a question, like 'what are you making?' or 'how are you doing?' i have no idea. All I remember clearly was she turned around, smiled and said something to me. I was completely stupefied. I didn't even know what to do. Somehow for some reason I have yet to even discover let alone comprehend, I dipped my right index finger into the Elmer's glue and tasted it. Never taking my eyes off of hers. I remember these big blue eyes. (No idea what they really are, but thats how i remember it) And I tasted the glue, and instantly was all "BLECH!" EEEeew! She chuckled and asked how did that taste? (Like she was amused) And I said 'Like a rotten candy cane.'. She laughed and turned back around.

I don't think I ever could talk to her again because of that. I always felt like such an idiot. I remember changing schools and losing all the friends I had at that catholic school, including her. I think she even gave me her phone number and everything. (Which my father threw away because he didn't know what this paper was on the kitchen table. Thanks Dad!) And I thought I'd never see her again. Then when I had gotten to high school, there she was! She was a cheerleader, and still very pretty. Only now she had grown up.

I know she knew who I was, we did make eye contact once or twice but I always felt like that little kid that just went all stupid and ate glue in front of the prettiest girl in school. I never talked to her, and she never talked to me. It's just another one of my many regrets. If I could find her, and talk to her again? I'd love to share this story with her now just to hear her laugh again. And this time we could both share a laugh. And I could see that pretty smile and big blue eyes again. Only this time I'll be sure to not have a plate with glue on it in front of me!